​The most recent murders of unarmed Black people have gutted me..
 
And have spurred me to be a better white ally…
 
…Because it isn’t the Black community that created a society of white supremacy and we can’t expect them to fix it.  It will require all of us.  

So I have been listening to my Black friends--their exhaustion, and sense of alienation are enormous and have been across generations—Their chronic stress is overwhelming.  And their losses from Covid-19 accentuate the pains.
 
And I have been learning about how we have structured our society to reinforce the racial inequality.
 
I also got in conversation with one of my favorite yoga teachers who shared with me in a vulnerable and impassioned way.  While we have exchanged a lot over the weeks, the first thing she shared stuck with me. 
 
When she opens the studio in darkness at 5 am.  And while her students are checking their emails and filling their water bottles safely at home, she is desperately trying to unlock the studio door-- quickly, lest she be mistaken for someone breaking in.  
 
She literally fears every day she may be shot and even killed…this is teaching yoga while being Black: 
 
She, in heightened stress, while lovingly offering stress relief and healing to her students.  And those of us in full white privilege have been in total ignorance of her experience. 
 
She has many stories--too many—no one should have these stories, but every single Black person has books of them.  
 
And this shouldn’t be anyone’s life.  
 
She shouldn’t have seven cops surround her with guns drawn when pulled over for a routine traffic violation.  NOBODY SHOULD.
 
 And George Floyd shouldn’t have a knee on his neck for a $20 bill.  Amaud Arbery shouldn’t take his last breath at the hands of  racist vigilantes. 
 
No one should have to warn their six year old that some people will hate them for the color of their skin.  But Black mamas and papas have that talk—repeatedly—to do whatever possible to keep their babies safe.
 
No one should have their first experience with the police be an arrest at age eight.
 
No one should believe that taking a knee in peaceful protest will end their careers…or their lives.
 
No one should believe six Black men committed suicide by hanging themselves from trees.
 
We are in a moment.  Passion for change is tremendous.  
 
We cannot squander this opportunity.
 
 It will take us all.  Speaking out.  Voting.  Not settling for anything less than sweeping changes that offer equal opportunities-- a better country for all of us.  Because when we dehumanize any group of people, we all become inhuman.  
 
So I headed to my studio this week with all passion and painted: 
 
Bare-ing Witness: The Fierce Urgency of Now.  
 
Inspired by the raw sharing of my yoga friend and all those who speak their truth, the white allys who will join this movement and the inspiring words of Dr. King that we need to carry with us as we join to bring light and hope to all our lives.
 
VOTE.   

Today I am married more than 3 decades…we met in 9th grade as lab science partners & bonded as besties.  Fell in love our junior year of high school. Broke up mid-college. Married a few years after that. Separated after a year of marriage. Reunited a year later. Embraced & sweated through therapy…and here we are.  In love. In like. And sometimes still sweating through therapy. 
 
This morning was a perfect microcosm of our relationship.  
 
In DC we expected thunderstorms most of the day.  But this morning, it was clear & 82% humidity.  With covid taking many options off the anniversary celebration list—it was perfect time for yoga.
 
With mats spread facing our pond. Birds chirping.   Chanting music playing (which I don’t like, but felt perfect for the moment), we began our yoga practice.
 
Deer were watching from the woods behind.  Flowers were bursting in purples & pinks.  Bugs crawling around us.  We were in a spiritual hub of nature that felt spectacular.  
 
And we did something different.  We decided to do our practice at our own pace not trying to sync with each other.
 
We made space for our selves.  It was glorious.  A few minutes in, the clouds opened & it poured.  And while our first instinct was to pack it in…we looked at each other and decided to stay.  We stayed, a bit uncomfortable at first, but so refreshed and enamored with how being in that moment felt nourishing.
 
For the next hour, it rained on and off and when we finished, the sun came out. By that time, we didn’t care-- sun or rain, it was transformative & beautiful.
 
Often in these past decades we have been surprised by storms, unprepared, but in our ability to push forward, to find the lessons and beauty that might also be in tow, we have grown closer.  And sometimes that closeness comes from respecting each other’s different pace and preferences.  
 
So today, on our anniversary, we have run out of things to write in cards and gifts to buy one another—a relief to agree not to do that, actually.  But the gifts are there for me almost daily:
 
When we hiked the other day, my guy said the high story of the trees felt like a cathedral—reminded him of Notre Dame. When he looked at a beautiful painting in our house this morning, he said it was lyrical.  He notices. He’s a curious person, always learning and sharing what he learns.  The gifts he brings me are centering and intimate. There is a freshness in growing & learning together.
 
So I marinate on our relationship.  How we trust one another to speak our mind…sometimes get into some hard fights, but don’t let pride get in the way of apologies and healing…often with more closeness. And with respect. 
 
We make room to laugh.  Hold hands. Kiss in the middle of anywhere. Dance in the kitchen.
 
So much is churning in our world right now: Covid. Racial Injustice. Policing in need of reform.  Complete upheaval in the American political system. Reckless leadership.  
 
While we are fiercely dedicated to supporting change in our communities, I remind myself in these moments that self-care & tending to your close relationships are vital to being able to stay in the fight.  
 
I remind myself of when the flight attendant says, “In case of emergency put your oxygen mask on before you help those you are with. “  Nurturing ourselves and our relationships, is vital so we can be present for others.  We can do both.
 
Here’s to nurturing yourself, your relationships and having the strength to move forward to creating stronger, more compassionate communities in times of uncertainty.  
 
Here’s to finding the gift of the storm.
 
Namaste.