I started writing a tome about the experience of painting this piece and then I read my daughter’s abridged version of an Aldous Huxley quote and I’m just going to leave it right here.  Thank you Lindsey Sitz:
 
It’s Dark because you are trying TOO HARD.  Lightly, child. Lightly.  Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.  Just lightly.  Let things HAPPEN and lightly cope with THEM.
 
So throw away your BAGGAGE and go FORWARD.  THERE ARE QUICKSANDS ALL ABOUT YOU—sucking at your feet trying to suck you down into FEAR and SELF PITY and DESPAIR.  That is why you must walk so LIGHTLY.  Lightly MY DARLING, on tiptoes and no luggage, not even a sponge bag.  COMPLETELY UNENCUMBERED.
 
And from me:
Be kind to yourself. Tred gently.  You’ve got this.  It’s a journey, not a race.  Namaste.

At the age of 5, my parents gave me the rubric of the person I would marry.  There were religious criteria that felt like a noose around my neck. I became hypersensitive to who fit the criteria and always found myself disappointed that the people I was attracted to didn’t make the cut.
 
With the hammer of disownment hanging over my head, I took the list seriously until I reached adolescence and realized the idea that I couple with someone who met my parent’s criteria had nothing to do with my joy --It was their small mindedness trying to railroad my heart.  God knows they were far from happy.   I mustered the courage to make my own list and trust myself. 
 
I choose a mate who has been spectacular.
 
Ironically, my parent’s efforts left me disowning formal religion and replacing it with my own brand of spirituality based on kindness and love. 
 
Unexpectedly my parents embraced my guy. And stayed away from questioning my religion.
 
This journey of trusting my own heart & choices has made me a warrior for anyone who made to feel less for who they love and who they are.
 
This painting “loveisloveislove” evolved from this passionate respect for anyone fighting against the imposition of what their love is supposed to be—of wishing them the courage to continue down the path to their own happiness despite resistance from others.
 
In this new year, with the potential for all things, wishing you hope, love, peace and acceptance for who you are and who you love, especially yourself.
 
Namaste.
 
Side note:  this piece is full of mixed media.  For Christmas, my daughter gave me some vintage ephemera including a early 20th century letter of apology written from a mother about her son’s behavior—it was meant for this piece along with vintage poetry, a typewritten travel log, fabric, shopping bags, my beloved flash cards, fabric (some from vintage saris), paper, an old Xmas postage stamp and many many layers…
 

Recently my daughter journeyed to live abroad for the rest of the year.  She is an adult—a budding bright woman who teaches me a lot about living.  And yet, I worry about her—and a lot of other things when worrying makes no sense.

Soon after her journey began, I heard about her crazy day riding a Vespa in the heart of Berlin.  And so, I was again reminded—I have little control over my life or anyone else’s for that matter.

Ugh—the struggle to maintain the illusion of control.  The struggle to avoid chaos.

We try so often to control and shape our lives, sometimes holding on by our fingertips thinking that if we do X, Y and/or Z, everything will be “good”—whatever that means.  And so, I challenge myself on my own journey to an unknown land:

Becoming comfortable with uncertainty. 

Who doesn’t prefer order to chaos?  Well put me on the top of the list –I love the zen of order.  But hanging onto that sense of control is a buzz-kill for having creativity.

Maybe that is what is so invigorating and challenging for me to paint abstractly.  I have to trust the process, trust myself,  go on a ride that has no GPS.  I have to believe that I will arrive—or at least travel to where I belong and be open to seeing the world, life and myself in new and unexpected ways.  I have to be brave.

So here I am jumping on my Vespa—maybe even WITHOUT a helmet—feeling the breeze in my face, the sun on my skin, tasting fruits forbidden.  Here I am world, ready to let go... Taking my hands off the controls—casting aside preferences and judgments.  Here. I. AM.

And here is “Vespa”  where I travelled these last days/weeks as I let go…new and uncharted territory on a trip that was a wild ride and so exhilarating.

To your journeys…Namaste.